Sarah Federman, PhD
  • Blog
  • About
  • Consulting
  • Testimonials
  • Contact

Understanding and Releasing Suffering

12/17/2013

2 Comments

 
Picture
Ok, maybe you've read The Bell Jar, listened to Perry Farrell for hours, and seen any number of epic films about suffering. 

Maybe your heart broke as the tragic heros/heroines beseeched an uncaring universe to rise up and take notice. But admit it, at times these artists portrayed suffering in such delicious and juicy ways, you were tempted to try it..until you realized that you already have...many times. And, without the soundtrack or great poet to narrate, it really just was miserable. 

This week I felt inspired to share some of the great escape hatches taught to me in the past couple years. 

Now, a quick caveat here. I told change expert Tony Robbins that I wanted to work to reduce the suffering on the planet. He told me that I cannot convince someone to let go of their suffering. They have to decide to do that themselves. There are payoffs to suffering such as... people feel bad for us, we get attention, we don't have to get into action to resolve it, and people aren't threatened by our happiness..

But should you be so bold as to want to give suffering the boot, here's a few:

Tony Robbins' take on suffering:

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. Suffering occurs when we think the problem is:

1. Personal- happening because of some fatal flaw in us.  "you are unloveable" etc. In this case your identity has gotten hooked into the situation. 

2. Permanent- it will "never" change. The situation has ruined our life eternally.

3. Pervasive- the situation or problem has ruined "everything" in our lives. For example that a problem a work ruins everything...when really your family, health, etc are all doing great.

Landmark leader on suffering. 

The source of all suffering is not accepting the reality of a situation.

Ok, so the person was being a jerk, they didn't treat you right, etc. It's the rumination about what "they" did to us that ends up messing up our day than the thing that actually happened and it stifles us from going into action.


Suffering and I broke up 3 years ago, sometimes we go on dates and try to get together again, but I always come back to the same decision and say, 

"Dear Suffering, I got work to do and you're just a distraction. I'm giving you the boot, again. Thanks for the memories and poetry you helped me write. "



 


2 Comments
Rev. Mary P. Conant link
12/17/2013 09:46:25 am

You want to come preach at my church during Lent? Come to beautifully sunny CA where spring will be in full bloom and Washington is just thinking about it. Free place to stay and good conversation over some great Napa wine... There must be a conference in CA that you could find to attend!

Reply
Sarah Federman
12/17/2013 09:51:03 am

Yes sounds great! What city are you in ;)

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Sarah Federman, PhD 
    Conflict Analysis & Resolution 

    Enjoy these short blogs and videos designed to bring you a little cheer.

    My other blog Language of Conflict addresses the importance of word choice and narration in conflict.

    Finish and Flourish supports writers struggling to complete projects.







    

    Archives

    May 2019
    December 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    December 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013

    Categories

    All
    Advice
    Appreciation
    Authenticity
    Coaching
    Enchantment
    Food
    Health
    Mentorship
    Nutrition
    Pharmaceuticals
    Retirement
    Self Care
    Senior Citizens
    Teeth
    Wonder

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Blog
  • About
  • Consulting
  • Testimonials
  • Contact